I’m writing making videos raking photos and pay s lot of money having this website up running and for what. I get no comments no response, no one have give as much as a dollar while I pay 80 every 3 months, I mean why should j continue this I start yo loose the grip of it because no one fucking cares about me or what j do or say. I can just go and fucking die. And people can go fuck themselves I mean I did everything to get yo rent that apartment for obscene money still it was not good enough. J was denied renting s fucking apartment were you pay 3 month dosot and three months tdnt in advance. What the fuck they had yo loose. Fuck it all, and the doargmdng j can get j can’t afford it cost 14000dkk it’s like twice as what j get s month I don’t know what todo. It was in a totally different area then j thought also j don’t know where going on but 3020 seem to be fucking me hard in the ass. Can’t remember when I was this guvkjnb low, even asking them to pick me inside to be drug free, by choice I have never gone that before. And what about los Angeles I haven’t told John he will glil out and I will not be able to go I can just give up now with everything. I can’t take it any more I’m s bug guvkinb failure and nothing is making me happy nothing. I have loose my only light in the tunnel now I see no point if fighting yeah to get s place in s year if I’m lucky hahain s year u kudfinb me I’m dead before that. I need something now….. like now now now… but it will not happen and I’m dick if all this bullshit cya when it comes to it no one gives s fuck about Mr I don’t get help from anyone. So all love us fake, because of u truly live someone u help that person when it have it the worst, bug nothing happening for me. As usual. Why did I even expect anyone to give s fuckingfuck I can just live in the streets right. Yeah fuck heat and water and s bed, fuck tv and internet. I’m being sarcasticof u didn’t figure out. Have a nice fucking life.
Hej the flat I was going yo get I didn’t, I’m so sad and disappointed and scared I put all my cards into it I said no to everything else. John is out if the hospital, I haven’t take drugs for a while and sitting here don’t know what to do. They calling on me do bad but I know they only make me psykotic and weird but its what I have done for so many years I don’t really know anything else. I have thought about asking for help. Get locked inside for a while get some things going, training, yoga, meditation, writing, everything I can do when I’m not having it dhut and gave a stsbild surrounding a safe place. I need to ask for help it it will never be ok, I will contact my psychiatrist tomorrow and my contact person. Because this will be my death in one way or another and I’m not ready yo leave earth yet, although I think about It a lot. Like it’s my only chance of gave it hood us to take that od. I need help, I figure it out by writing this right now, the words just came flowing. Fuck….